How I'm Healing After Miscarriage and Reactivating My Intuition
The beginning of my intuitive reactivation
I’m feeling called to share this part of my story with you. This part of my journey is part of my healing on this intuitive reactivation process. If you have ever experienced child loss (miscarriage, stillbirth or abortion — no judgement.) I encourage you to read this. If you’re on a similar journey, I hope you know you are not alone.
I’ve always known things, but just thought it was because I was mature for my age. I probably don’t remember many of the intuitive experiences I have had over the years or throughout childhood because I either didn’t think anything of it, or didn’t feel comfortable talking to someone about it. Though, I now know that being intuitive is something that is strong within my family (it is a gift anyone can tap into, even you). All of my sisters, and even my mother, have had different intuitive experiences (more on that later…). This is about what has brought me to this current reactivation — motherhood.
Kevin (my significant other, we are not married, but very happily together and will eventually tie the knot) and I had a son at the end of 2017. We welcomed our beautiful baby boy, Grayson, into our family.
For any woman that has had a child, you understand what the female body experiences. It’s an amazing (for some, not all and that’s okay) and wild ride. I didn’t really begin to notice it until September or October of 2018, but something felt off after having my son. Not health-wise, but with me in general. I felt as though I was on autopilot and not really moving forward in life. It’s like I was just going through the motions of life without real direction or purpose. Let’s be real though, being a mom is a demanding and full-time job, so it’s understandable. Still, it’s almost as if I was watching myself from above go through the day-to-day of life and noticed that something was off. So, I decided to talk to my sister about it to get her thoughts.
My sister had called to tell me about her amazing experience at this reiki session she had just done. The timing felt right, so I mentioned how I had been feeling off. At that point she told me she had noticed I that I seemed different back in the beginning of September — confirmation that it wasn’t just me
After hearing about her experience with this intuitive reiki healer I decided that I would book a session with her the next time I was down in Florida. Unfortunately that wasn’t going to be until Christmas, and this was the end of October. My sister gave me the woman’s contact information and I reached out to her. Ann, the Intuitive and Reiki Healer, suggested doing an intuitive session via Skype and then an in-person reiki session when I was down in December. I jumped on it!
The day of our intuitive session came and I explained how I was feeling. We talked about it and she helped to guide me toward some tools that I could use to connect with my spirit guides and start to do this intuitive work. Because as she said, which I’ve been told in the past, I’m supposed to be doing this work (not quite sure how or when, but I’m on the path toward figuring it out).
I ordered the tools and started doing some of the things she suggested, which included;
.01 Talking to archangel Gabriel through journaling,
.03 Drawing a card from my angel deck daily (I use this one), and
.04 Paying attention to my son energetically.
When you start talking to angels, connecting with your spirit guides and drawing cards to build a relationship and receive guidance you feel kind of crazy. I’m going to take a stab and say that it is a normal feeling people have when starting out on this journey of healing. So don’t worry if you’re starting here and it feels strange. The more you trust, the more natural it feels.
Anyway, I started to make forward progress. However, the real magic didn’t happen until December, when I got down to Florida and had the in-person intuitive and reiki session with Ann.
The intuitive session (think of this as therapy with divine guidance, if you’re not sure what to make of it) picked up where it left off when we last spoke. We talked about how I was feeling, what practices I’d implemented and about life.
An hour later, maybe, I got on the table and we started the reiki session. If you’re not familiar with reiki, it is essentially subtle energy healing. Ann called in all of her spirit guides, all of my spirit guides, protection for each of us and set the intention for the highest good and began.
She almost immediately found her way to my hips and started asking about my sons birth. She felt like I had experienced some sort of trauma in my root chakra and was holding onto it. “It’s like you’re body is gripping” she said. Trauma is different from other types of energy blocks or stagnation in your chakras because trauma typically comes from an experience later in life versus blocks or stagnation which some from childhood experiences.
My sons birth wasn’t a particularly traumatic one, though it did take a good bit of pushing to get him out. She asked some more questions and I answered and she continued to feel into it. Finally, it occurred to me to mention that Kevin and I had been pregnant once before and miscarried.
Immediately she knew that was it. That was the trauma. She was right. For anyone that has ever experience a stillbirth or miscarriage, whether by choice or not, you understand what a traumatic experience it can be, and ours was. My body went into what felt like labor around 9 weeks pregnant and it was one of the most exhaustive and traumatic experiences of my life.
Kevin and I were, of course, sad, but we kept the miscarriage to ourselves. We didn’t really share it with family or friends and we continued on with life. It’s not something you really talk about with people. And, there is no real safe space to grieve, discuss or feel through what you’ve experienced. If you do bring it up, it’s typically not something people know how to respond to. So, Kevin and I continued with life and a year later we were pregnant with our son, and another nine months later we welcomed him into the world.
What I didn’t realize, and what Ann picked up on energetically was that I was holding on to the grief, shame and guilt of that miscarriage. I felt so much shame and guilt about not being able to carry our first baby, but then a year later being able to carry and birth our son. As soon as we had that moment, and as soon as we acknowledged and started moving that energy out of my hips and through my body I started sobbing.
I had no idea I had been carrying that pain and sorrow with me. Both Ann and I cried, more like I sobbed and Ann held space for me to feel everything I never allowed myself to process. It was amazing, freeing and eye opening. Even after experiencing a miscarriage, I never realized, until after I had my son, how sad I actually was about not being able to carry and birth our first child. It’s a loss and a shame I’ve never known before.
What I needed and still need most is people that understand and people that can be in this space with me. That can say, “It’s okay. Grieve the loss. You can release the shame. You can release the guilt. It’s OKAY. This experience is part of your soul’s journey and part of that soul’s journey. You don’t know the purpose, but know that it is okay. It’s part of your soul’s and that soul’s human experience. After all, we are all souls that are here on the earthly plain for a human experience.”
Ann helped to ground me so that I could start doing this work and continue on this path of reactivating my intuitive gifts. She helped move the energy through my body and into the earth so I can heal this wound. When I left her office that day I felt more grounded (heavy, but in the best way possible) than I have in a long time.
She suggested that Kevin and I find a way to honor the soul of our first child, which we are still working on. We will find something that is special for the two of us and honor our little one. She also suggested a book by Carol Bowman, Return from Heaven, which I will be picking up from my local library soon. If you’ve experienced a stillbirth, miscarriage or abortion, I encourage you to look into this book. The book explores the idea of reincarnation, as well as stillbirth, miscarriage and abortion, from the incoming soul’s perspective.
Since this session, I’ve been continuing to work on reactivating my intuitive gifts. Differences I’ve noticed since this session have been increased awareness energetically and in my chakras. I can feel into chakras that I was previously struggling to feel into, like my root chakra. I’m also learning to trust myself more and beginning to recognize how I connect and receive guidance from God, the angels and my spirit guides.
This process of reactivating your intuitive gifts is never ending. I share this experience with you for a couple of reasons;
.01 I now recognize how important it is to hold space for women and couples that have experienced a stillbirth, miscarriage or abortion. If you’ve experienced any of these, I understand what that pain can feel like. I don’t know your pain or story, but I can empathize.
Also, if you’ve experienced this I encourage you to find a way to heal. Heal mentally, emotionally, physically and energetically. Don’t be afraid to seek help. If you need someone to talk to about it, that understands, I invite you to send me an email.
.02 If you are wanting to reactivate your intuitive gifts (we all have them), then learning to trust is imperative because trusting will allow you to take action. As important as trusting is taking action because taking action will show your spirit guides that you are ready to show up, listen and do the work.
To help drive this point home a little more. The day I wrote this I had decided to go for a walk with my son. I get creative downloads randomly, and I know I tend to get them when I’m outside or in nature. I had the idea to write about this topic, but wasn’t sure if it was ego or guidance, I was, and am still, very nervous to talk about this in such a public space. However, I decided to write the idea down so that I could come back to it when I had the time.
I felt a lot of fear about writing this post because I wasn’t sure who would see it, and as I said, it’s not something we’ve really shared with family or friends. Because I was feeling that fear I decided to pray to archangel Michael about my fears and ask if I should write the post. The answer in my mind, the knowing, was immediately yes. STILL unsure I decided to draw a card from my angel deck asking for guidance around this post. Can any of you guess which card I drew?
For those curious about what the card said, here it is...
Believe in yourself, and have faith that God and the angels are with you. Ask them to help you lose the fears that block you from enjoying full faith
Your angels know that you have been disappointed in the past. These experiences may have eroded your faith in yourself, other people or even God. However, the angels remind you of the importance of holding onto your faith.
They know that you, like everyone, have made mistakes in the past. However, these mistakes have not eroded your true nature. You still have omnipresent God with you, and God is infallible. The angels as you to trust in God and to trust them.They will help you trust yourself.
Okay. There was no denying it now, I needed to write this. So after I put my son down for bed, and had dinner with Kevin, I drew a bath for myself, relaxed and allowed spirit to help me write this post.
I know this was a long post, but it was one I needed to write. It’s a part of my journey of healing and reactivating my intuitive gifts. It’s one that I’m nervous to share, but know I need to.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time and holding the space for me to share part of my story with you. If you’re on your own intuitive journey, I hope you know that you are supported every step of the way. We only have to invite our guides in and ask for help.
Please understand that because of the nature of this sensitive topic, any comments that are not kind or taking away from this space and the intention of this post will be removed. This post is about my own healing and holding the space for women that have had similar experiences. Thank you.
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About the blogger
I'm a first time mom on a spiritual journey that is just learning how to balance (if it even exists!) the demands of motherhood with my own needs.